I Can't Even

I can't even.
I'm done.
I am dead.

If you have been in the vicinity of anyone in their teens or early 20s, you have likely heard a number of these phrases used in everyday conversation. Stereotypically, these exclamations are attributed to young white girls, but as someone who inhabits this particular demographic, I can attest that race and gender have nothing to do with the popularity of these statements. Everyone makes them (myself included from time to time). More often than not, these sentiments are used comically to exclaim how unbelievable something is, how ridiculous something is, or how amazing something is. Oddly enough, all of these phrases can be used in every single one of those situations, so diction and situational awareness are incredibly important when deciphering their true meanings.

Despite the myriad ways these exclamations can be employed, however, they all have one thing in common: they glorify the halting of effort. Each phrase immediately stops any possible progress of understanding or discussing something in favor of comedic value, and while harmless at first glance, this increasingly popular trend is leading to the rapid decrease of intelligent conversation -- especially when related to humor.

The use of vibrant descriptors is becoming increasingly rare among the unoriginally classified "millenials." If a video is particularly exciting or engaging, many adolescents will post it on their respective feeds with the simple line of, "I can't. It's so...I'm done." Although this may sound like a number of nonsensical fragment, every teenager in America can decipher the exact meaning behind it despite its obvious lack of flavorful description. No longer are movie trailers hailed for technical achievement or storytelling prowess...they simply have to be so awesome that you "can't" any longer.

Whatever you were evidently doing...it is now done because of the awesome.

That sentence was physically painful to write.

Aside from the rampant spread of online examples, this trend is ravishing conversations across the world at a rate just as alarming. As a substitute teacher, I am unfortunately privy to many of these attempted dialogues, and they often sound something like this:

"My God, did you see the Star Wars trailer last night?"
"YES! It was just...guh it was--I mean, I can't. I fucking can't."
"Right?! I was just like 'done. I am done. Dead now. kbye.'"

Don't get me wrong -- I am perfectly aware that slang is ever evolving from generation to generation, but this particular linguistic advancement crosses the boundary from slang to laziness. The intelligence that is required  to form an educated opinion about anything (be it the new Star Wars trailer or the potential need for gun legislation) is rapidly decreasing in value to the point where it is now often viewed as gratuitous. Why would you need to properly enunciate your beliefs about a specific topic when you can dismiss it in the blink of an eye with three simple words? Minimal effort is required, potential embarrassment due to misinformation or undereducation is avoided, and it is there that I believe we find the root of the problem.

Confidence.

"I can't."
"I'm done."
"I'm dead."

Each one of these statements halts the progress of intelligent thought due to a perceived notion that the speaker is unable to form one. Everyone who has ever been in a classroom is aware of the astoundingly misguided idea that lack of knowledge can be seen as "cool," but these declarations take that to a whole new level. Instead of feigning ignorance in front of a teacher in order to fit in with a standard of forced mediocrity, teenagers are dismissing intelligent discussion from every corner of their lives.

But what if they didn't? What if every, "I can't" was replaced with an "I can describe exactly why I had such an intense reaction to this stimulus"? What if every, "I'm done" was replaced with a description of the beauty of what was just witnessed that simultaneously encouraged further dialogue? Younger generations have been gifted with more data about the world than all previous generations combined, but the ability to speak eloquently about that data needs to be given its share of importance before it is completely eradicated.

The next time that you think you can't even, think instead about how you can, because you are intelligent, eloquent, and worth far more than three monosyllables.